40 sex things you should know by the age of forty

Sexual Health

Let’s talk about sex things over 40 

Age is just a number, and this couldn’t be more true when it comes to sex. In fact, as we get older our experience and confidence means that sex should be more pleasurable than it was during those awkward first few years of adulthood.

By the age of forty, most women have become better acquainted with their bodies and are more confident in the bedroom. If you still haven’t reached this big milestone then here are 40 things you should know about sex before you hit the big 4 0….

1 Men like to cuddle too

During sex, our bodies release the hormone oxytocin (also known as the cuddle hormone). This is the same hormone that helps women bond with their newborn baby. When released in a man’s body it can heighten their need for intimacy. You can also exchange (tantric) body massages with essential oils to increase your aphrodisiac pleasures. 

2. Share your fantasy with your partner 

Everyone has a sexual fantasy that they yearn to re-live but are too shy to voice. By the time you hit forty, you should have let those inhibitions go. Talk frankly to your partner and find out what he likes before divulging your own fantasy. Chances are he’ll be more than happy to oblige.

3. No one knows your sexual body better than you do

Masturbation still remains a taboo topic but the stats speak for themselves –  a 2004 survey by AARP found that nearly 50% of women aged between 45 and 49 said they had ‘taken matters into their own hands’ in the last 6 months. As you get older you’ll realise that it’s nothing to be ashamed of. No one knows your sexual body better than you do, so make use of it! 

4. It’s okay to go natural

Got a lot of hair down there? Chances are he doesn’t care and neither should you. Unless you are willing to splash the cash on permanent hair removal there is no need to spend hours every month trimming your lady garden. Some of us just don’t have the time, money and energy for all that. Going natural is not my personal preference, but do what feels best to you and your partner. 

5. Once you pop, you can’t stop

If your sex life has gone stale or becomes something reserved only for special occasions, rest assured that you can get your mojo back. The key is have sex as often as possible, even if you don’t feel like it. You’ll find that the more you do it, the more you’ll want to do it.

6. Be a try-sexual

A varied sex life is a happy sex life so it’s worth giving new things a try. It could be something as simple as a new position or location… or you could try something riskier if your partner’s game (he will be). The point is, life is too short, so enjoy it as much as you can.

7. Don’t sacrifice your sleep for sex 

Too tired for sex? You don’t have to be at the sexual beck and call of your partner if you’re not in the mood. Explain nicely that the time isn’t right but that it will be well worth the wait.

8. Sexy lingerie is overrated

Honestly, most times sex is done in the dark so whether you’re wearing a satin slip or a baggy t-shirt, it doesn’t matter.

9. Life’s too short to fake it in the bedroom 

Who are you trying to impress? Instead of stroking his ego at your expense, show him what you like and make the sex mutually beneficial.

10. You can keep your socks on

If you’re feeling cold chances are the sex won’t be as great. In fact, research found that only 50% of couples could reach an orgasm when they were cold. And when the socks went on that figure jumped to 80%.

11. The truth won’t always set you free

Some things are better left unsaid, like those naughty thoughts you’ve had about your boss or the illicit kiss from last year’s Christmas party. Telling your partner EVERYTHING might make you feel better but it will only make him feel worse so weigh up whether it’s actually worth spilling or not.

12. Sweat can be hot in sex 

Some women are actually turned on by the musty smell of men’s sweat. In fact, a study at Berkeley University found that the scent boosted women’s sexual arousal, mood, heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing rate. Next time, tell him to skip the shower until after you’ve had sex…

13. You can tell a lot by a man’s hands

That old wives tale about the size of his hands might just be true. A study by Liverpool University found that the longer a man’s ring finger, the longer his penis. Both factors are determined by the level of testosterone that they were exposed to when in the womb. So remember to always pay attention to his hands…

14. Don’t believe everything you hear

Women are just as prone to embellishing and lying about their sex life as men, so don’t believe everything you hear from your friends. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors except them…

15. Phone sex isn’t just for the young

Take advantage of the technology you have and try phone sex. This is a great alternative if you’re in a long distance relationship or missing your partner. Just don’t take it too seriously.

16. Vibrators are a good quick fix

Sometimes you’ll have a scratch that just needs itching but it might not be practical to have sex there and then. That’s where the vibrator comes in. Women are able to climax within 4 minutes through masturbating, whereas through foreplay and intercourse this can take as long as 20 minutes.

17. Size isn’t everything (hahaha) 

Society has made us obsessed with the size of a guy’s penis (blame David Beckham), but as you get older you’ll learn that what he can do with his equipment is much more important than what it looks like. In fact, skill will always trumps size – trust us.

18. Porn is okay

Okay 80’s porn was probably a little misogynistic and gross but nowadays you’ll find different types of porn that are catered specifically for women. Why not watch it with your partner – you might both learn some new tricks…

19. He should be a good kisser

As you reach your forties you’ll have had enough experience to know what a good kiss is like and it will be an integral part of your sex life.

20. Relax with an orgasm

Forget yoga – to achieve true calmness indulge in an orgasm! Studies have found that women experience zero emotions during an orgasm, which means that they are more relaxed than ever. But remember, the only way to truly enjoy an orgasm is to clear your head up in the first place…

21. Money matters

As we get older there’s an expectation that we should be more financially stable than when we were in our twenties. In fact, it can affect our sex lives. A study by Newcastle University found that women who had wealthy partners experienced more orgasms than those who didn’t.

22. Men still care about size

No matter how old or mature your man is chances are he will still feel insecure by the size of his package. In fact, men are more concerned by size than women. Reassure him with positive prompts.

23. Workaholics have less sex

During your twenties and thirties, you probably spent a considerable amount of time climbing the career ladder but chances are you were also having less sex. As you reach your forties it’s likely you’ve become more established in your field, which means less overtime and more playtime.

24. It’s not all about sex

Nearly one-third of women won’t orgasm through intercourse alone so encourage your partner to find other ways to make you climax.

25. Ladies first

Unlike men, women get a surge of energy straight after climaxing, making them more eager to return the favour. Remind your partner of this so he gets you off first.

26. Body insecurities aren’t cute

With age comes confidence, and by the time you reach forty, you should feel more comfortable in your own skin. Trust us – a confident demeanour is much sexier than a taut tummy (although we’d always recommend plenty of exercises and a good diet, no matter what your age!)

27. Men get turned on by nipples too

Think about the sensation you feel when your partner plays with your nipples. Men also feel aroused when you touch theirs so try to pay more attention to this area.

28. Dry spells are normal

As men reach middle age they begin their own kind of menopause, which results in their testosterone levels dropping. In fact, after the age of 40, it’s likely to decline at around 1%  every year, so don’t be offended if he isn’t always raring to go.

29. Don’t be shy to talk dirty

Talking dirty can be a real turn on for men and as you reach your forties you’ll become more confident in perfecting this. The key is to let your insecurities and inhibitions go and just go for it!

30. Make the first move

Your partner is probably used to being the one to initiate sex so why not surprise him once in a while by being the instigator? As women reach their forties they become more aware of what they want from a relationship and won’t settle for less.

31. TMI (too much info) is no longer cool

This isn’t Sex and the City and you aren’t Carrie Bradshaw (sorry), so spare your friends the gory details of your sex life. In your twenties, this was probably acceptable, but as you get older it can be just plain embarrassing.

32. He doesn’t care about your ‘wobbly bits’

He really doesn’t.

33.  It’s not always rainbows and butterflies

If you’re in a long-term relationship you might be missing those initial first few months of butterflies and rainbows, but research actually shows that this is a good thing as it means less anxiety and insecurity.

34. Experiment more

Stop resorting to the same foreplay and sex techniques and try something different every now and then.

35. Married couples have more sex

According to studies, the average amount of times a married couple will have sex in a year is 69 – nine more times than a single person.

36. Don’t take sex so seriously


37. Hormones can suck

As you reach your forties you’ll notice your hormones can have an impact on your sex life. This is down to the perimenopause and is your body’s way of telling you: “it’s coming!” It might mean your libidio goes down and you struggle to get turned on. Just remember this is a phase and it WON’T last forever.

38. It’s okay to not want casual sex

A one night stand might have been fun during your wild college days but upon reaching your forties you’ll seek a deeper connection – and that’s completely fine.

39. Toes are sexy

Okay, so some people take this too far and develop all kinds of fetishes but generally, toes, fingers and earlobes are considered key erogenous zones. Give it a try next time you go down on your man.

40. Don’t compare yourself

What you see on television is not an accurate depiction of real life and as you reach forty you’ll realise that those overrated sex scenes are nothing but smoke and mirrors.



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